So yeah, last night, I fucked up doing laundry and ended up staying up late, because my sheets were in the dryer. The internet was broken, and I had nothing to do, except for write. I have this idea for a book called Get Broken, where all the ideas come from semi-lucid states. I decided I would get high and try to give the book a go. It didn't. Fuck weed, man. Didn't allow me to focus, all my thoughts were semi-coherent (to me, probably not at all to other people), but it was all so self-involved, I just kept on thinking about my mental state. Here's the stuff I wrote. This was my attempt at writing Get Broken, before giving up. I did some audio recording of me talking, and I realized that all of my annoying mannerisms were being amplified, which you can see in my writings as well- it's very stylized in a way, but it's NOTHING BUT REFERENCES. Also, another note, in my defense: I left the room a bunch, so all the times where it seems like I am being repetitive about the internet being up and stuff, more time passed than can be discerned from this. Internet's still down as I'm writing this in Wordpad to copy and paste when it's back working. But yeah, once again: I like my brain sharp and angular. Kind of knew that that is not what weed does, but it really just reaffirmed it: Brain working all fast and stuff is the way to go. The drugs that make your brain "sharper" are also much scarier. Important to note that straight-edge kids, as dumb as they are, have that sharpness. If I understand the Minor Threat song correctly, it was all about how not doing drugs etc. keeps your mind sharp- that is the straight edge, never intended to start some dumbshit movement. My fear is that that edge is now fucking permanently gone. I'm so far from being high right now, I've sobered up, but I don't think I'm writing this as well as I would like to. Granted, not nearly as bad as I was writing last night, which you shall now see. I fixed some typoes- Far from all of them.
2:15 A M, 02/11/04, internet broken, Boredoms on headphones, just got high for the first-time, let's start Get Broken motherfuckers.
Mister you're on fire mister oops but I'
should this begin with me getting, i'm just thinking about what it feels like to be high. what's funny is how bored I am
and Liars lyrics many a Liars reference abounds
hah my legs are- exactly like how it feels like your legs go to sleep but with the edge off.
I actually feel bad which is i don't think bad pot trips are a thing affected by mood towards hit
The internet's broken the nework is on, we're just feeling like a split-off
I CAN'T WRITE WHY HIGH
I MEAN WHILE HIGH, BRAIN's tres'fucked
I don't know what the point is for me to do this. Listening to The Boredoms and no more awesome than usual? I AM WRITING DUMB I am writing like Evie talks sometime when she is parody. As i write this kind of clipped thing I realize this is so much of a Pitchfork at it's most styley bits My brain is moving back and forth in my brain, like it is there are so many fucking things to rewrite from just a sentence ago, this is fucking bullshit I am not stupid
jaw muscles making me smile will just came in interrupts wanting to know how it's going
taste of vomit in mouth
Just went to Andy and Will's, Broadcast on now, going to attempt simple task to fuck up: getting laundry. I'm thinking now I will pee on the way. I expect CRAZY HIJINX
imagining Evie reading this- my influences aren't Burroughs or Thompson, they're Fraction and Pitchfork. those past two thoughts- unconnected.
Now I do stuff....
it seemed like a good idea (the recording) after Andy came in and I realized I couldn't stop talking: AIM talk will be funny if the net's not still a-broked.
HA i forgot to not pee
goddamn i know my grammar.
I keep on thinking I should all FALL and stuff but that requires much more effort
this is going to be bad, so depressing.
I'm going to hate myself in the morning.
bad idea for many reasons
My french earlier? I don't know what to think
Let'see if Pitchfork new. went to correct than realized I was like a sucky James Joyce. that last line/thought best line/thought ever in history of linethought. need to go pack to repunctuate, adding periods. now internet oh wait no it's still fucked, as no AIMtalk which i wouldn't have gotten around to doing anyway
This took forever to do, unconnected thought. My thoughts aren't just jagged, they're diverged is the problem
I mention Joyce, Burroughs, and Thompson but that Fraction quote bit is such a pullquote. I AM such the booktyping hipster type. Realized that sentence bad mid-thought, Thoughts are fucking slow
and unconnected i hate this bullshit i'm doing
undid bad thought.
goddamn it i suck. i need to stop doing this and start being more awesome
Haha jewin' it up: when you need a little extra jewce
pop tarts jelly is better when high
laundry done now, if internet is up i will post this and horrify old friends HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY weirdos. I don't know what made me type weirdos just then.
internet: still down. i hate that i do this but i want stuff to be recorded.
I don't want people to say shit like "you were so high" because if I was that high i don't get the appeal. The idea of me being not very high, but if i'd done more i would've transcended the suck and finally entered AWESOMEVILLE where i never been to in my life ever. (sober addendum: Alex insists that I was not that high, otherwise it would've been much more enjoyable.)
Shaving is a bad idea, hilarity waiting to happen. I really like attempting simple tasks, i hate straining- I'm slowing down my thoughts.