I've been thinking about writing but not doing any writing. As I waited for the bus, I was thinking I would just write a blog entry as a prelude to doing some actual writing, the kind I want to do and have to put thought into, but I waited for the bus longer than usual, and now there is just exhaustion. But briefly, my day:

My day was exhausting. I didn't go to sleep. I watched The Testament Of Dr. Mabuse instead. Today is day one of the moving days. Two more roommates are gone now, moved out. The one roommate still here may or may not do a ton of work and pull it all together within the next twenty-three hours. I've got most of my stuff in storage. It weighs a good deal.

Tomorrow I'm gone, and the phone number you all have will no longer be of use. It's a phone number I've given to prospective employers. Now, I can only assume that I didn't get the job at Brewery City, nor did I get the job at the assisted living facility. Even if they were willing to give it to me, they won't be able to tell me.

The job prospects currently: I have an interview at Goodwill on Tuesday at 10:30. That might not lead anywhere. I have been given a job selling satellite dishes on commission. It seems sketchy, and the more I mull over the details, the sketchier it seems. The office is upstairs from a Papa Murphy's Take and Bake Pizza. If I'm actually able to sell people on the superiority of satellite dishes over cable, then there's some money to be made. Otherwise I am fucked. The head of the sales team is a mustachioed man. The company may or may not have phones yet installed in the office. Once that happens, the job will segue into telemarketing. There's the possibility I should continue to pound the pavement, let's say.

But then there's the house search. Moving out tomorrow. Staying somewhere for a few days, but don't want to rely on that. There's a sublet available, and I talked to the woman subletting, and it would be fine, regardless of the lead-based paint and whatnot, but I might not get it. More people still to talk to. I'm stopping by there Tuesday evening.

I've got a new mailbox downtown for the time being.

We should have more food in the house than we do, at least some milk for the cereal, or something, but no, because I'm gone tomorrow. I imagine my diet's going to be odd for the next few days, which makes for a bad combination with the physically exhausting moving activity.

God. I don't know. The loss of interaction with friends who play to my best/worst/most instinctive instincts will be tough. Especially if I'm doing sales work. Hopefully I'll be able to make good money and have a place and just coop myself up and do writing, if the dayjob isn't too exhausting. I guess I'll have to force myself. I kind of want to force myself now but I don't know if I got any REM sleep this morning, and I doubt I got any in my many nods off on the bus.

I've got some ambitions though, believe you me.

Also, I'm afraid this computer's going to overheat soon so I'm going to post now and then be done with it.

job search house search forever with the nervousness i am behind future uncertain ah! ah! ah!

It's all interviews and job applications and no calls back ever. I dress in button-down shirts and black pants and feel awkward for it.

The only thing that gives me confidence was my saying with certainty that no, I am not returning to Philadelphia for the summer. It's the only option to my future I chose to seal off, a fallback plan I'd rather not have, an awkward scenario I won't have to live. Saturday I move out. I don't know to where. My things will be in storage if nowhere else.

Today I had an interview for a job selling vacuums, and I thought it went okay. There were some awkward moments that might've been what resulted in my not getting the job- I couldn't remember the phone numbers or the addresses of either previous employers or personal references for the paperwork, as I usually take applications home- but the interview said it was mostly down to the one-on-one interview, and maybe that didn't come off so hot. I thought it went alright. There were no returned phone calls.

There've been other jobs to seem like sure things that have fallen apart for my lack of a car.

Tomorrow I hand in an application to Goodwill, which will probably not pay as well as a job selling vacuum cleaners. Tomorrow I will look once more to the Classifieds ads.

I almost wrote a post a few days ago about my mom. I realized she didn't share a last name with me, and as such could be a personal reference if she was willing to just vouch for me and lie up an anecdote where she was not my mom. I think this kind of thing is completely acceptable: You'll lie to a kid, why not lie for them? But my mom's all about that kind of morality which goes against most people's ideas of decency, and as such she refused. I don't want to be the kind of kid who hates their mom, the kind where it's all they talk about and they're not particularly well-adjusted. But my mom's personality just grows more irritating with every day. I can only hope that she is starting to realize that the way she raised me did not lead to me having the same morals as she. Hopefully she realized this eons ago, with her getting all up in arms in regards to obscenity and offensiveness and all the other things I hold dear. She's funny: She realizes and probably assumes that I'm drinking booze and smoking drugs, but probably thinks I don't watch South Park and things she finds offensive, which I totally watched anyway when I lived with her. I really wonder what things she think stuck. Maybe the Christianity, but my conception of God is completely different from hers.

I submitted a short story for publication awhile back, and today I learned that I should've included a SASE with that submission. I'd resubmit it tomorrow if I had an address I'd be living in two months from now. These are hectic times, and the hits just keep on coming, but like a sack full of oranges, they leave no bruises behind.

So, following City Of Lost Children and Jean-Pierre Jeunet going on to do Amelie, Marc Caro directed one film. A four-minute long porn short. I haven't seen it, but... That's interesting.